Why is Florida so full of loony types?

I left Florida, state of my birth and first 29 years, on New Years Eve 1994. Since my departure, many great things have happened. The Buccaneers won the Super Bowl, the Lightning won the Stanley Cup, the Rays made the World Series, and my Gators won two National titles in basketball, and three in football. The Gators also produced two Heisman Trophy winners, but, still, something has not been right in the years since I left. Weird stories like this one from The Other McCain seem to emanate from Florida far too often these past few years

Yes, I’m aware I used the same headline yesterday, but our national lunatic asylum continues to earn its moniker:

A Palm Bay man was arrested after police say home surveillance video caught him in sexual acts involving his family’s dog.
Joshua Werbicki, 22, was charged last week with animal cruelty and sexual acts involving animals.
According to the police report, the family had noticed the German shepherd mix showing signs of physical injury and was fearful when approached by family members, so they installed a video system.
Police said the sexual acts involving the dog were caught on video, leading to Werbicki’s arrest his place of employment, Papa John’s on Minton Road in West Melbourne.

Maybe Werbicki will claim this was a “consensual relationship,” which is kind of a popular defense for Florida sex offenders.

WTF Florida? Where are all these nutty types coming from?. Perhaps our fine weather and beaches are to blame? Those features attract people from other areas of America, areas like New England, and Michigan, New York, wait, I detect a pattern here. Maybe these wild, weird, freaky stories are the direct result the second Northern incursion into Florida. The first occurring in 1861-65 during the War of Northern Aggression. Maybe this invasion we should call The War of Northern Freakiness. 

I should have seen the signs in my years in Florida. The folks with New York license plates driving slow in the left lane. The funny, nasal accents. The old men wearing dress shoes and black socks with Bermuda shorts on the beach, and of course the cries of “we did not things this way up North”. That is it, Florida has been invaded and overrun by Yankees! Not to be confused with Northerners who are good folks. Such an invasion might cause outbreaks of craziness in any state. So pray for my native state, and Floridians, pray for more northbound traffic driving slow in the left lanes of I-75 and I-95.

3 thoughts on “Why is Florida so full of loony types?

  1. I’m with you, Doug. We don’t need any more wackos and liberals from up north infesting our great state of Florida – we need to get back firmly into the Conservative red-state status.

  2. Pingback: FMJRA 2.0: Frisby : The Other McCain

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