Via Chris Wysocki, who is pretty fly for a Jersey Guy
Are you one of the millions of Americans who’ve suffered in silence after being pecked by a macaw?
Physicians currently have about 18,000 medical diagnostic codes to choose from to help them inform insurers of their patients’ ailments. However, as [Sen. Rand] Paul (himself a physician) notes, Obamacare includes a mandate for 140,000 of those codes — and some of them sound downright ridiculous.
“Included among these codes,” the senator continued, “will be 312 new codes for injuries from animals; 72 new codes for injuries just from birds; 9 new codes for ‘injuries from the macaw.”‘
“The macaw?” he asked. “I’ve asked physicians all over the country, ‘Have you ever seen an injury from a macaw?”‘
What about turtle bites? You’re in luck, Obamacare’s got you covered. And if that turtle merely sideswiped your leg? Rest assured your pain and suffering will be alleviated.
He continued, adding that he had found “two new injury codes under Obamacare for ‘injuries sustained from a turtle.”‘
“Now, you might say, ‘Well, turtles are dangerous’ — but why do you have to have two codes?” he asked. “Your doctor has to inform the government whether you’ve been struck by a turtle or bitten by a turtle.”
And just because Barack Obama deeply cares about you, should that turtle bite you while your water skis are on fire, you’re completely covered!
He added: “There is a new code for … walking into a lamppost. There’s also a code for ‘walking into a lamppost, subsequent encounter.’”
“I guess that’s if you don’t learn,” he added. “[T]here is [also] a code … for ‘injuries sustained from burning water skis.”‘
Ah, so that’s how your water skis caught fire; you walked into a lamppost! Twice!
Who dreams up this stuff?
What about if your head explodes while trying to figure out the code for being attacked by a midget wearing a sundress and a hockey mask? Is there a code for that?