Why is Florida so full of loony types?

I left Florida, state of my birth and first 29 years, on New Years Eve 1994. Since my departure, many great things have happened. The Buccaneers won the Super Bowl, the Lightning won the Stanley Cup, the Rays made the World Series, and my Gators won two National titles in basketball, and three in football. The Gators also produced two Heisman Trophy winners, but, still, something has not been right in the years since I left. Weird stories like this one from The Other McCain seem to emanate from Florida far too often these past few years

Yes, I’m aware I used the same headline yesterday, but our national lunatic asylum continues to earn its moniker:

A Palm Bay man was arrested after police say home surveillance video caught him in sexual acts involving his family’s dog.
Joshua Werbicki, 22, was charged last week with animal cruelty and sexual acts involving animals.
According to the police report, the family had noticed the German shepherd mix showing signs of physical injury and was fearful when approached by family members, so they installed a video system.
Police said the sexual acts involving the dog were caught on video, leading to Werbicki’s arrest his place of employment, Papa John’s on Minton Road in West Melbourne.

Maybe Werbicki will claim this was a “consensual relationship,” which is kind of a popular defense for Florida sex offenders.

WTF Florida? Where are all these nutty types coming from?. Perhaps our fine weather and beaches are to blame? Those features attract people from other areas of America, areas like New England, and Michigan, New York, wait, I detect a pattern here. Maybe these wild, weird, freaky stories are the direct result the second Northern incursion into Florida. The first occurring in 1861-65 during the War of Northern Aggression. Maybe this invasion we should call The War of Northern Freakiness. 

I should have seen the signs in my years in Florida. The folks with New York license plates driving slow in the left lane. The funny, nasal accents. The old men wearing dress shoes and black socks with Bermuda shorts on the beach, and of course the cries of “we did not things this way up North”. That is it, Florida has been invaded and overrun by Yankees! Not to be confused with Northerners who are good folks. Such an invasion might cause outbreaks of craziness in any state. So pray for my native state, and Floridians, pray for more northbound traffic driving slow in the left lanes of I-75 and I-95.

Just another reason I could never be president

There may be numerous reasons I just would not last as president, but the biggest one is this. I would likely lose my temper and beat the living you know what out of at least a few people. People like Psy, who Donald Douglas talks about this morning.

Utterly amazing, at Twitchy, “Killer photo op: Obama and daughters meet U.S. troop-slay rapper PSY.”

Some of the dude’s lyrics, via Weasel Zippers:

Kill those f-king Yankees who have been torturing Iraqi captives.
Kill those f-king Yankees who ordered them to torture.
Kill their daughters, mothers, daughters-in-law and fathers.
Kill them all slowly and painfully.

See, I would just not be able to do that. If I laid eyes on a rapper that sang those lyrics about American troops, I would snap. My temper would get the best of me. Of course, the media would have a field day. “President opens a can on South Korean rapper” would be just one of the headlines. The international community? They would lose their minds. The Useless Nations? Well they already lost their minds. Bob Costas would make some stupid comments about a culture of intolerance at halftime of Sunday Night Football. And I am sure I would be impeached, or worse, forced to undergo sensitivity training, anger management classes, and maybe even be forced to make one of those fake apologies that people who are not really sorry make. Of course, as president, no one could make me do those things. And Harry Reid and other weasel-like Democrats would be very careful NOT to get on my bad side. The president of Mexico? He would watch his manners too. No, I would not be reelected, but, think of the book deals, offers to have my own talk radio show, I might even get to meet my blogging role model Michelle Malkin! All for beating the snot out of some bottom feeding piece of filth?

When I look at it that way, I am in. Doug Hagin 2016! Ed Daley could be my VP. How about a campaign slogan? Hmmmm. Let’s see, how about Hagin/Daley 2016, because we need to open a Can of Whoop Ass sometimes! And my first act as president, after bitch slapping Psy? A little private meeting with dirt bag Anthnoy Cumia

Yanks whip O’s take series lead, Reds blank Giants, up 2-0

 

 

Yanks 7- Orioles 2

For eight innings, the New York Yankees and Baltimore Orioles staged a magnificent duel worthy of two division foes that split 18 games during the regular season and finished two games apart in the standings.

Then the Yankees brushed aside the upstart, inexperienced newcomers and crashed a party 15 years in the making.

Russell Martin led off the ninth inning with a tiebreaking home run off Jim JohnsonCC Sabathia turned in a sparkling pitching performance and the Yankees pulled away to a 7-2 victory Sunday night in the opener of their AL Divisional Series.

Reds crush San Fran 9-0

Bronson Arroyo had never won in San Francisco before pitching a playoff masterpiece.

 There were all kinds of memorable firsts this weekend for the gutsy Cincinnati Reds, who beat the San Francisco Giants 9-0 on Sunday night to take a commanding 2-0 lead in their NL Division Series — and head home to Ohio on quite a roll.

Ryan Ludwick hit his first postseason home run and Ryan Hanigan drove in his first playoff run. More than anything on this night, it was Arroyo’s turn to celebrate on what he figured to be a fun flight back to Cincinnati.