Honorable Mentions: Bill Ayers, Bob Beckel, Joy Behar, Eric Boehlert, Margaret Cho, Candy Crowley, Code Pink, Lena Dunham, Dianne Feinstein, Ruth Bader-Ginsburg, Kathy Griffin, Eric Holder, Jesse Jackson, Ezra Klein, Rachel Maddow, Bill Maher, Bill Press, Ed Schultz, Al Sharpton, Jon Stewart, and Jeremiah Wright.
20) Chris Hayes: He’s a smarmy, politically correct beta male who would probably be irritating even if he wasn’t talking about politics. If you had to pick the MSNBC host most likely to hold Rachel Maddow’s purse while she shops, it would be Hayes.
Defining quote: “(It’s) very difficult to talk about the war dead and the fallen without invoking valor, without invoking the words ‘heroes.’ I feel… uncomfortable about the word hero because it seems to me that it is so rhetorically proximate to justifications for more war.” – Chris Hayes
19) Mike Malloy: He’s one of the biggest liberal radio hosts, which is kind of like being one of the world’s fastest Sumo wrestlers. That begs the question: If Malloy says something insane and no one hears it, should we care?
Defining quote: “These teabag bastards, who by the way, I just wish they would all go away, or like in Passover, I just wish there was an angel of the Lord that would pass over, instead of killing the first born in all the households of Egypt, just wipe out all the teabaggers. Just, you know, the terrible swift sword, just (Malloy emulates sound of sword cutting repeatedly through the air) lop their heads off.” – Mike Malloy
18) Meghan McCain: The GOP and Meghan McCain have the same sort of great love we’ve seen between Chris Brown and Rihanna. Who’d have ever thought that the Republican Party’s pale imitation of Paris Hilton would still hate us after all this time besides – well, everybody?
Defining Quote: “…I’ve spent most of my adult life fighting for change from inside the Republican Party… If I don’t see some changes in the next four years, I’m going to consider registering as an Independent in 2016.” – Megan McCain
17) Joe Biden: Crazy Uncle Joe showed his nasty side this year in his weird, ugly debate performance against Paul Ryan. He also accused Republicans of wanting to bring back slavery, perhaps because, Joe being Joe, he doesn’t know that the GOP has always been against slavery while he’s a member of the party that went to war to keep it in place.
Defining quote: “They want to put y’all back in chains!” – Joe Biden
16) Melissa Harris-Perry: She’s a fine example of how far someone with no common sense, no appreciable talent and nothing of interest to say can rise on the Left as long as she’s willing to obsess over race. Thanks for making her famous enough to be on this list, MSNBC!
Defining Quote: “The land on which they [the Founders] formed this Union was stolen. The hands with which they built this nation were enslaved. The women who birthed the citizens of the nation are second class… This is the imperfect fabric of our nation, at times we’ve torn and stained it, and at other moments, we mend and repair it. But it’s ours, all of it. The imperialism, the genocide, the slavery, also the liberation and the hope and the deeply American belief that our best days still lie ahead of us.” – Melissa Harris-Perry
15) Piers Morgan: Yes, there’s nothing that Americans love more than snobby Brits coming over to our country to tell us Yanks how we’re not living up to the high standard of “Soccer Hooligan Land”. Maybe that’s part of the reason more than 102,000 Americans have signed a petition asking that Piers Morgan be deported (If only!).
Defining quote: “President Bush used to talk about the jobs Americans can’t do, why do we need to bring in some snooty foreigner with some annoying accent to just go on and tell Americans everything. Can’t Americans point out what’s wrong with their country on their own? Has it come to this – that we’ve got to import a special worker class to tell you Americans everything that sucks about America? That’s now a job for foreigners?” – Mark Steyn
14) Touré: You could replace Touré with a tape recorder that says “That’s racist” over and over and no one would notice the difference. If he was really as brilliant, sophisticated and nuanced as he obviously thinks he is, then his entire career probably wouldn’t be based on calling things “racist” on television.
Defining Quote: “That really bothered me. You notice (Romney) said anger twice. He’s really trying to use racial coding and access some really deep stereotypes about the angry black man. This is part of the playbook against Obama, the ‘otherization,’ he’s not like us. I know it’s a heavy thing, I don’t say it lightly, but this is ‘niggerization.’” – Touré
13) Elizabeth Warren: The state of Massachusetts continued its great tradition of electing the most amoral radical left-wing hack it can find by choosing Elizabeth Warren, a woman who built her academic career around being a fake Indian. On the other hand, Elizabeth Warren is the first fake Indian ever elected to the Senate; so she deserves a little credit for that.
12) Paul Krugman: At a time when there are Western European nations sliding into default and America is following in their footsteps, Krugman is the most prominent voice on the Left calling for a massive increase in spending. One day, when the country finally does go belly-up, Krugman will probably move to Belgium where he’ll declare that we went broke because our deficits weren’t big enough.
Defining quote: Paul Krugman: “If we discovered that space aliens were planning to attack and we needed a massive build-up to counter the space alien threat and inflation and budget deficits took a secondary place to that, this slump would be over in eighteen months. And then if we discovered, woops we made a mistake, there aren’t actually space aliens, we’d be a better…”
Kenneth Rogoff: “So, we need Orsen Wells is what you’re saying…”
Paul Krugman: “No, there was a Twilight Zone episode like this in which scientists fake an alien threat in order to achieve world peace. This time we don’t need that we need it in order to get some fiscal stimulus.”
11) Harry Belafonte: Belafonte is a scary dude who’d probably be putting people in camps if he were actually in charge of anything. It’s bizarre because he used to be this guy who sang happy little pop songs and now he talks like an aspiring Pol Pot.
Defining quote #1: “(Obama needs to) Work like a 3rd world dictator & just put all these guys in jail.” – Harry Belafonte on Republicans
10) The Non-Fox Media: The Mainstream Media has always been liberal, but under Barack Obama we’ve reached the point where it’s hard to tell where media ends and the Democrat campaign machine begins. You could replace most reporters at papers like the Washington Post and New York Times with Obama staffers like Jim Messina and David Axelrod and the stories wouldn’t read any differently.
Defining Quote: “When you watch the President like that, I always feel he’s got so many pluses, doesn’t he? In a sense, he’s personable, he’s handsome, he can be funny. You know, abroad he has this great image for America. A lot of things are just perfect about Barack Obama.” – Piers Morgan, CNN
9) Andrew Sullivan: Sully has gone from a widely respected commentator to an increasingly hysterical and gross conspiracy theorist. On the other hand, since he’s planning to put his site behind a pay wall, a lot less readers will be reading gems like this next year…
Defining Quote: “Palin’s tweet made me come in my pants.” – Andrew Sullivan
8) Michael Moore: Moore is a smart, talented, eloquent guy who hates our country, hates our political system, hates people who disagree with him and hates the system that made him a success, but he’s never figured out that he’d be the first guy up against the wall if he got the revolution he wants – or maybe he has figured it out and he’s just playing to the Communist-wannabe crowd. Either way, it’s amusing to see a guy who has amassed a net worth of 50 million dollars making movies catering to the Occupy crowd and railing against capitalism.
Defining Quote: “I hate to say it, but killing is our way. We began America with genocide, then built it with slaves. The shootings will continue. It’s who we are.” – Michael Moore
7) Michael Bloomberg: Bloomberg seems to spend most of his time railing against the twin evils of guns and 32 oz. sodas. He’s living proof that C.S. Lewis was right when he said, “Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron’s cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.”
Defining quote: “Last week, Nanny Bloomberg, Mayor of New York, rivaled his own personal best for worst mayoral performance since that snowstorm a couple of years back. This is a man who spends his days micro-managing the amount of soda New Yorkers are allowed to have in their beverage containers rather than, say, the amount of ocean New Yorkers are allowed to have in their subway system – just as, in the previous crisis, the municipal titan who can regulate the salt out of your cheeseburger proved utterly incapable of regulating any salt onto Sixth Avenue. Imagine if this preening buffoon had expended as much executive energy on flood protection for the electrical grid and transit system as he does on approved quantities of carbonated beverages. But that’s leadership 21-century-style: When the going gets tough, the tough ban transfats.” – Mark Steyn
6) Jamie Foxx: While promoting his N-bomb-packed new movie Django, Jamie Foxx managed to offend Republicans, white people and Christians. Mel Gibson after a couple of bottles of wine ain’t got nothing on Jamie Foxx.
Defining quote #1: “First of all, give an honor to God and our lord and savior Barack Obama. Barack Obama.” – Jamie Foxx
Defining quote #2: “Every single thing in my life is built around race.” – Jamie Foxx
Defining quote #3: “I play a slave. How black is that? I have to wear chains. How whack is that? But don’t worry. I get free. I save my wife and I kill all the white people in the movie. How great is that?” – Jamie Foxx
5) Harry Reid: On the one hand, it’s great to see that the farmer from the American Gothic painting is doing so well. On the other hand, Reid still achieved a new low in American politics (which is saying something) when he, as the Senate Majority Leader, very publicly accused Mitt Romney of not paying his taxes for a decade based on what he claimed were anonymous sources.
Defining quote: “I am not basing (the claim Mitt Romney hasn’t paid taxes) on some figment of my imagination. I have had a number of people tell me that. I don’t think the burden should be on me. The burden should be on him. He’s the one I’ve alleged has not paid any taxes.” – Harry Reid
4) Debbie Wasserman Schultz: She’s the Caps Lock key of American politics because she sounds like this all the time: “THE REPUBLICANS ARE HORRIBLE, NO GOOD, VERY BAD PEOPLE WHO WANT TO EAT YOUR BABY AFTER THEY FINISH THEIR WAR ON WOMEN AND THEY’RE LYING IF THEY DENY IT!” The fact that someone as utterly unappealing as Schultz is in every single way could not only be elected to Congress, but could be the Chair of the Democratic National Committee is probably a sign of the apocalypse.
Defining Quote: “If you go back to the year 2000, when we had an obvious disaster and – and saw that our voting process needed refinement, and we did that in the America Votes Act and made sure that we could iron out those kinks, now you have the Republicans, who want to literally drag us all the way back to Jim Crow laws and literally – and very transparently – block access to the polls to voters who are more likely to vote Democratic candidates than Republican candidates. And it’s nothing short of that blatant.” – Debbie Wasserman Schultz
3) Chris Matthews: He’s nasty to Republicans, a cringing dog when he’s dealing with powerful Democrats, habitually obnoxious – and his ratings are perpetually awful. At this point, the mystery isn’t so much, “How is he still on the air?” – it’s who in the world is watching the show?
Defining quote: “I am so proud of the country, to re-elect this President… A good day for America. I’m so glad we had that storm [Hurricane Sandy] last week, because I think the storm was one of those things – no, politically I should say, not in terms of hurting people – the storm brought in possibilities for good politics.” – Chris Matthews
2) Barack Obama: Sure, he’s dishonest, nasty, corrupt, lazy, hyper-partisan, arrogant and the most hopelessly unqualified and incompetent man ever to occupy the Oval Office – but you have to hand it to him, he’s really great at shifting the blame to other people. Michelle Obama could walk in on Bo buck naked with his secretary and within an hour, she’d be cursing George W. Bush for putting their marriage in jeopardy.
1) Sandra Fluke: It takes a certain kind of perverse skill at being a victim to ask Congress to spend thousands of dollars subsidizing your birth control, pretend to be upset when people naturally make “She’s a slut” jokes afterwards and to parlay that into a speaking slot at the Democratic National Convention. Of course, since Fluke doesn’t seem to have any other talent and even most liberals seem to secretly find her a little cringeworthy, being called a “slut” by Rush Limbaugh will probably turn out to be the high point of her entire life. That would to be an entirely fitting punishment for someone so perfectly obnoxious.
Defining quote: “A 30 year old ne’er do well who’s demanding that the government give her free stuff she should be paying for herself is an all too apt symbol of what Barack Obama has spent his last four years doing.” – John Hawkins