Man marries tree, no, I am not making this up

Transspeciesism? Good Freaking Grief!

This May environmental activist Richard Torres married Mexico’s famous 1,000-year-old Arbol del Tule, or Tule Tree, in an Inca ceremony full of smoke and reverence for Pachamama — the mother earth goddess.

People in Oaxaca, Mexico were surprised to find Torres all dolled up, hugging and kissing the tree. It is unclear, at this point, if Torres is experiencing species dysphoria. If he is we should presumably applaud his brave attempts to be close to a tree and be his true self. If not, there are some uncomfortable questions to ask. For instance, is this marriage legal? Has the tree given consent, or is Torres committing sexual assault by slobbering over it? If the tree produces seedlings, can Torres sue its promiscuous heart, since presumably Torres was not able to consummate the marriage?

Not that I’m judging Torres. Heaven forbid! That would be microaggressive, hurtful, and sexist — oh, and speciest too, I suppose. Will the Tule tree be allowed to divorce, or is it forever trapped by our patriarchal rules that privilege males like Torres?

Dave at Moonbatterty has the money quote

Squirrels living in knotholes could be in for a surprise during the honeymoon.


4 thoughts on “Man marries tree, no, I am not making this up

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