In Florida, what’s the punishment for having sex with a pet donkey? According to a Jan. 21 report by the Sun Sentinel, not much. Carlos Romero has been given one year probation with no jail time as well as a $200 fine after the 32-year-old was caught engaging in sexual activity with his miniature donkey named Doodle.
His neighbors probably won’t be able to see “Shrek” the same way again. After Romero abused the Democrats’ party mascot, his lawyer filed a motion asking a judge to declare the Florida statute banning sexual activities with animals unconstitutional.
That legal motion, like this man’s life, will obviously not go anywhere. Even libertarian champion Ron Paul would probably argue that’s way too much individual freedom. However, twelve months of probation sheds insight into the passivity with which the state’s judicial system treats those who sexually assault helpless animals. Earlier this week, Romero was back in police custody after Florida Northern Railroad employees said he may have stolen $10,880 worth of train batteries.
Donkeys had a more productive week in South America than their Democratic counterparts attending Barack Obama’s inauguration on Monday. On Jan. 21, three robbers from Colombia had to ditch their stolen property after a noisy donkey alerted police to the early morning theft.
According to the Telegraph, the criminals had stolen rum, oil, rice, cans of tuna and sardines from a small shop in the town of Juan de Acosta. They then attempted to load the goods on the donkey who made a lot of noise and objected to the robbers’ getaway plan.
At least there’s still a few who object to a redistribution agenda. In Washington, stealing property from others gets you re-elected.
Edward Archbold, a 32-year-old Florida man died suddenly on Friday after winning a roach eating contest at a local pet store.
According to police, Archbold became ill and collapse on the scene shortly after winning a contest that involved eating live roaches and other bugs during a promotional contest being held at Ben Seigel Reptile Store in Deerfield Beach.
Investigators say Archbold consumed dozens of roaches to win the contest, but began regurgitating shortly afterwards. He then collapsed to the ground in front of the store before other contestants and spectators.
Archbold was rushed to Broward Health North hospital where he was pronounced dead. The Broward County Medical Examiner’s Office is awaiting the results of an autopsy to determine the official cause of death.
Contestants were given four minutes to consume as many roaches and various other insects as possible. Various prizes were awarded – depending on the amount of insects the contestant consumed.
Archbold reportedly won an $850 Ball snake which the store has vowed to hold for Archbold’s estate. Archbold had reportedly intended to sell the snake to a friend who brought him to the contest.
The mugshot above is from Archbold’s arrest in 2004 for a charge of indecent exposure in Monroe County.
A Pinellas County man is facing some greasy justice for allegedly impersonating a police officer to get free food at McDonald’s this past Friday.
Joseph E. Pineda, 33, pulled up to the drive-thru at a St. Petersburg McDonald’s and placed his order followed by the explanation that he didn’t have his wallet and wanted his food free of charge, according to a Pinellas County Sheriff’s media release.
Pineda then pulled around to the store window and spoke with the manager, telling him that he didn’t have his wallet because he just returned from a “sting”. The report claims that Pineda then flashed a badge to the McDonald’s manager and showed him a gun through the drive-thru, as a way to convince the fast food manager that he was in fact a cop.
McDonald’s employees must have smelled something foul, because they immediately called 911, which dispatched officers to the scene while Pineda patiently waited for his food in the drive-thru lane.
Deputies asked Pineda to exit the vehicle several times but he reportedly refused to obey officers, who eventually pulled their guns and forced the suspected hamburglar to exit his vehicle.
The report states that Pineda had two police badges in his possession as well as a .45 caliber weapon.
Pineda, who measures in at 6’2” and 330 pounds, was arrested and charged with felony impersonating a police officer and a misdemeanor charge of improper exhibition of a firearm. He was released from the Pinellas County jail on Sunday, on a $10,500 surety bond.
Imagine how many things he could have purchased from the Dollar menu with $10K bond.